She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
