I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
