If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
