I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
