o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize