I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
