We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
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Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
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He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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