just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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