STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
