why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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