so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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