At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
