We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
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You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
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Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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