mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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