Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
