Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
