glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
