dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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