i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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