Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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