Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
