I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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