dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
