I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
