stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
