i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
