Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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