The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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