But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
