wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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