You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
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I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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