He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
