But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
