Only a mothe r could love this liver
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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