dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
