I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
