I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Someone came in the potted fern
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
