So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
