you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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