In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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