Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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