My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
