good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
