We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
