He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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