four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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