I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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