did you get engaged???
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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