Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Couch. On fire.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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