dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
