Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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