I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
