Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
