Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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