If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
