Betty ford says i'm here all night
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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