I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
