i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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